Disagreeing Well, Before You're Married

It is tempting, in the early stages of getting to know someone with marriage in mind, to avoid disagreement entirely — to smooth over differences so the process feels easier. This is a mistake. How someone disagrees, while there is still relatively little at stake, is one of the most honest previews of what conflict will look like once there is a great deal at stake: a household, children, extended family. Pay attention not to whether you disagree — you will, on plenty of things — but to what happens next. Does the conversation stay focused on the actual disagreement, or does it widen into character attacks? Is there a way back to calm, or does one person shut down? Can you each say "I was wrong about that" when it is true? A disagreement handled well, early on, is not a red flag. It is often the clearest green flag you will get.